I tried, tried again and yet again…..

Posted on May 8, 2010


With arms wide open and facing flat down, and having no control over my body, I was lying there motionless. I had lewd thoughts pass by me, it was like a film clipping of sorts, of events, which were not clear, but belonged to only me. The only hope, the only sign of life, was the thumping of my heart against my ribs. This prevented me from slipping into oblivion. I tried. Tried again and yet again. It seemed paralytic, the effort did.

I decided to lay it off for a bit, but was reminded of the worst. Since my heart was threatening to rip off my rib cage, I tried. Tried again and this time, under pain, I managed at least, the vision of blazing whiteness. It took me a while, I felt it took hours, to finally get a blurry vision instead of whiteness. I felt something cold in my hands and was forcing myself to shift focus of my blurry vision to my hands.

I could not move and then it struck me that, I am still lying on the floor and looking at the wrong hand.Although I knew, I was on the floor, I couldn’t make any directional sense. I heard a faint voice in my head, telling me, it is going to take me ages to stand up. The first hint of foreign was the slipping grip of a handle, under my cold sweat. My brain was making me feel pre-historic, it took some time, before I could produce clarity to thought.

After a while, I realised it was not cold sweat, as it was heavy, it was thickening blood. I got a glimpse, at the blood smeared knife that had slipped off, a few moments ago. The element of shock, was also delayed. My thoughts, movements, visuals were all at snails pace. I wondered why I forced my eyes open.

I lost the plot, when I realised I had a blood smeared knife clenched in my hands and was lying face down. The tingling in my head, off intoxication of thoughts, heightened when I felt something cold and numb, as I was attempting to get up. Focus. Focus. Focus. I repeated as, my head was trying to hit the ground. I gave myself a shrug and felt the surging energy. With a violent jump, I frantically searched,couldn’t reason, what I was searching. Finally I gathered that, there was a dead body face down, arms wide open next to me. With no warning whatsoever I felt a sharp pain and before I realised…..

I tried, tried again and yet again. I had a dejavu or was it? Nonetheless, I forced my eyes open to flash of white, my mind asked me “again? “.I realised, I didn’t recognise the room. It looked very contemporary in design. I am still unable to find the door. The room was in perfect order. The table was quite messy. A black laptop with gadgets attached, a brown bowl of crisps, a green mug of water, the glowing orange light from a brown external storage device, a white telephone and books all over the table. I tried to reach out to the table. It seemed I was miles apart, due to my pace. I looked around for a clock, the room didn’t encourage one.

I heard strange sounds. Focus, focus, focus. As I focused I could hear several people in the room. I was forced to listen to an unclear symphony of voices. Yes, it sounded as mere sounds. I tried, tried again and yet again. I could hear some unclear voices and sounds of radio jarring to life. There was a sudden hurry in one of the voices. I felt something on my neck. I tried to visualise, based on what it felt like. But I was unable to concentrate as all energy began to drain quicker than I could think, so I decided not to concentrate any more. I was awakened, still eyes closed, by a sharp yell ” hes alive, hes alive…..”. I felt being lifted. The next thing I had was ache.

I still had a thick ache looming my body, when I heard voices again. This time it was distinctively from two people. One person said it was an attack and the attacker planted the knife in the hands to morph it as a suicide.

Posted in: Imagination